Tessa’s Dilemma Page 9

  Gasping with a sharp intake of breath, Tessa’s eyes went wide with shock. She thought the pussy pump had been strong with its suction, but this? It was totally indescribable. Her mind instantly reeled to her special place, slipping deeply into a world of cushioned awareness, and each time He sucked the tube tighter, she simply sighed and slipped further into her own mind. From her distant world, she was vaguely aware that He had started to plough her with her rabbit vibrator. He was not doing this lovingly, but roughly again, hard and fast, hitting her cervix sharply every so often, the pain jolting her momentarily back to the room, but sensations combined keeping her safely in her sub-space. Before long, her lips involuntarily formed coherent words, begging, pleading without thought “please... please... please...” She needed to climax again, and she would never dare to do so without permission. Focusing on Master as best she could, she realized that He was nodding and smiling at her. Joy rippled through her in waves as she realized that even just seeing His assent had caused her body to react without conscious thought. She came over and over as He continued to use her, He loved to deny her and then force her to climax so much that she couldn’t function.

  She didn’t know how long she kept responding to the insistent invasions, but eventually she realized He had stopped and was standing away from her at the dressing table in front of the mirror. Spotting that she had surfaced, He turned back to her and rolled her back onto her front, pulling her back onto her knees, spreading them wide so that her ass was high and exposed. Tessa wriggled luxuriously as He fingered her sopping sex and then spread her juices around the entrance to her forbidden passage. She moaned in response to His touch, and then wailed half-heartedly as she felt Him whip her lightly with something on her lower back. It could be only one thing that she had brought with her today. She had purchased a pony tail butt plug. She loved Him taking possession of her ass, although it hurt a little; the feeling of Him being so deep inside such an illicit place turned her into a completely base creature. And she loved it. So she had purchased a butt plug a little larger than Him in the hope that she could train herself, the pony idea being a little bit of fun, but it was easily the biggest thing she had ever seen. The sheer size of it terrified her.

  He reamed her with it, gradually pushing the tapered tip inside her, stretching her gradually, she heard Him spitting on it to add more lubrication, but it just didn’t seem to be sliding in as it should. Desperately trying to relax, Tessa mewled in frustration and impending pain. Sometimes the fear and thought of something was much more frightening than the reality, and she was becoming more terrified by the minute. It was working inside her slowly but surely, and the agony was starting to become uncomfortable. She could not force it out, or resist the onslaught, the probing, the invasion. But in a way she didn’t want it to be removed either. However, He suddenly removed it and entered her roughly Himself. She screamed as He took her hard. Very hard. She could feel every inch of Him sinking into her, and she realized that it wasn’t hurting as she expected, she had only screamed out of fear itself. The plug had worked in a small way after all. Hearing Him grunt gruffly as He came, she slumped forward, hoping to keep the intimacy of Him inside her as long as possible, but that was clearly His idea also, as within a matter of seconds He had forced the whole butt plug deep inside of her.

  Yelping with surprise, she clenched to test the plug, and it was all the way inside. She felt full, stretched, used, her mind floating away on a sea of pleasure and pain. She was sore from His rough treatment, and this huge plug was now stretching her tender passage cruelly. The lubrication of Master’s pleasure caused the plug to slip out of her, and she felt Him nudge it back into place. At that point her mind just seemed to lose coherence; she started to sob and beg for no more; it was as if she was suddenly somewhere else, someone else. Tessa had tried so hard to endure everything for Him, and she was so deep inside her mind that she couldn’t catch herself as she tumbled to a begging mess. Her eyes filled with tears she couldn’t shed, but she was viewing the situation from so far away that she couldn’t physically cry. Fear, pain, so many jumbling emotions and thoughts and sensations, it was as if her mind had just shut down.

  Chapter Six

  Shit. You’ve done it this time, Charles thought as he rushed to remove the plug from her and get her out of the remaining wrap. Your selfishness and bloody-minded self-assuredness have destroyed her. Grabbing the safety scissors he hurriedly snipped and ripped the film from her upper body and pulled her into his arms. She was sobbing uncontrollably, her eyes rolled listlessly as he held her face steady with his right hand, gripping her under the chin. “Tessa,” he said, “It’s ok. I’m here. It’s over. Focus; come back to me; speak to me,” He examined her features closely to see if she had surfaced at all. Not a glimmer. He cursed himself vigorously, but was careful to maintain a calm controlled exterior. She had fixed her eyes on him now; she was looking to him to make everything ok, to make sure she was ok. He squeezed her tightly, hugging her to his chest, stroking her face and her body, kissing her forehead and reassuring her repeatedly. Huddling her close to him and rocking her gently, he could see their reflection in the mirror. A pang of sadness washed over him as he looked at the impossible couple curled in an intimate embrace on the bed.

  Absently stroking her soft curls, he sighed with relief as he heard her dry sobs cease and her respiration become slow and even. She was coming back to him.

  “I’m sorry... I’m sorry... oh Master... forgive me... please forgive me...” muffled pleas came from her chest as she begged for his forgiveness but she couldn’t bring herself to face him. Clinging so desperately to him.

  He covered her clawed right hand with his left, squeezing in reassurance. Anguish constricted his chest as he realized that she thought she had failed him. But he was the one who had pushed her too far, who had meted out his rage and frustration on her, and still, she believed she had failed.

  “Rest, love,” he murmured, shifting her body easily to mould against his. They could be one person with how closely they were pressed together, and he believed if the fire bell had rung in that hotel, he would have had to carry her to freedom, as there was no way that they could be parted at that moment. But then, he didn’t want them to be. He felt her drift off to sleep as her body became limp against his, leaving him alone with troubling thoughts vying for attention, each decrying the other less important, and that he should deal with one pressing complaint before another. Something wasn’t right about all of this. Yes, she trusted him; yes, she had given herself to him, but then many others before her had done the same. There was something different. It wasn’t just that he had fallen for her; he would deal with that in his own time, but her actions today had been more deeply motivated than ever before. Her messages the last week and the look on her exquisite face when she had arrived at the room. He had thought for a moment that she hadn’t wanted to continue with their liaison, but it wasn’t that. As demonstrated in how she had submitted to him today, it was obvious she lived for their moments together. Lived for their moments together.

  This had to stop.

  The truth suddenly hit him like a battering ram; she was in love with him too. She hadn’t just submitted to him, submissive and Master, she was close to committing her entire vanilla life as well. He couldn’t allow this woman, so full of life, youth and vitality, someone who would make the most beautiful and caring mother any child could wish for, throw her life away to an aging, barren man like himself. There wasn’t even a compromise available that she could become pregnant by another man, or he could have a reversal, or anything like that. He didn’t want any more children, grandchildren perhaps, but he had done his hard work, he wanted to play out the rest of his life in pleasure and decadence where he could. He had earned it, and more importantly still, she deserved to have the family that she had always dreamed of. If you truly love someone, you have to let them go, he thought, and it was true. He loved her, and he must persuade her to find another to set her heart w
ith. Perhaps if he were lucky, they would still have their lifestyle relationship. It was possible. Many did. Open trust and honesty with their chosen partners, pretty much what he had hoped for with his wife, but even the mere suggestion of it to her had sent her into a deeper depression; that’s why he had stayed with her and pursued passing dalliances instead. Mulling ruefully over the fading of the love in his marriage and condemning his own weaknesses, he decided once and for all that his Tess, his girl, must be convinced to find her happily ever after – with another man.

  Chapter Seven

  Feeling calmer now, Tessa emerged from her protective mental cocoon. His arms cradled her to Him like the most precious item in His world, and for a fleeting second she believed that utterly. She wanted to believe it. He was holding her, eyes closed, with the characteristic expressionlessness she surmised that He used to hide what He was thinking from her. He wasn’t asleep, but He was thinking; she knew that much. Sensing her watching Him, He opened His eyes and turned to look at her; she thought He looked sad as He studied her, but she must have been imagining it, as His expression had not changed from a few moments earlier. Mere inches from her face now, He maintained the close distance between them as He rolled her carefully onto her back, His body now pinning her down as He lay half on top of her. Placing the thumb and middle finger of His left hand on the hinges of her jaw, He pressed gently, indicating for her to open her mouth wide. Doing as He wished, she watched Him intently as the same hand reached for her nose and pinched it shut, just as He leaned in and made a seal over her mouth with His.

  Confused for a few seconds, she realized that He was holding His breath, so if she wanted to breathe, she must breathe Him. Tessa panicked as she realized He could still breathe through His nose and therefore could remain this way indefinitely. Inhaling a little, she took what she could before becoming increasingly alarmed, struggling against Him but also registering the familiar warmth of arousal growing within her. She really was now depending on Master for her survival. He was providing her very life’s breath. Succumbing to her fate, she halted her struggle and lay still and compliant. Her body was completely His to use in any way He wished. As soon as she stopped resisting Him, He pulled away from her and spat into her open mouth. Lost deep in His eyes, she didn’t feel dirty or base from His actions; she felt nothing but deep connection. An act, which would feel degrading and disrespectful to others, only served to make her feel closer to Him. So close to Him that every part of His body, everything that made Him Master, everything that came from Him, even His saliva, was sacred to her. Deeply meaningful in ways she had never had a chance to comprehend before.

  Tightly grasping her hair, pulling her head back, He continued a ritual of cutting off her breath by using His hand, or covering her mouth with His, sometimes gently sucking the air from her lungs, other times breathing into her with a sigh. Words couldn’t express how she felt as he held her tightly pinned, giving her breath, subsuming her with the strength of His spirit. Although she was aroused by His actions, the moment they were sharing was not sexual. It was almost as if He was saying to her that He would care for her until His last breath; He would provide everything she would ever need, even the air to breathe.

  With all of the events today, she was having the biggest emotional roller coaster to date. As she lay there beneath Him, concentrating on the meter of His breath, feeling the calm thud of his heartbeat, she realized that every time they met she tumbled further in submission to this man, and further in love. Each place she went to, she had no idea how she would react or what she would do; it was almost like her conscious mind disconnected and she was left purely to instinct. Tessa realized, much to her dismay, what a fearful and terrified person she was deep inside, and the only time she ever felt safe and at peace was in Master’s arms. But that would not do. Master, the man she loved, was married, and there was nothing she could ever do about the situation other than to live a lonely life. Cutting across her thoughts He spoke quietly. “I mean what I say girl; you mean the world to me, but you must find someone to take care of you when you are not with me. Find someone worthwhile; find someone to make me proud.” As the words sank into her mind, she felt something break, something shift deep within her. They would never, ever be together in that way.

  Chapter Eight

  The next morning Tessa stood in her kitchen, nursing a luke-warm cup of coffee, staring at Johnny’s telephone number. Should she call it? After the events of the previous few months, committing herself to a man twenty years her senior, in perpetuity, for use, in deep connection, to explore both of their kinks, it seemed silly to call. But she couldn’t bear to be alone anymore, and Master’s words to her yesterday left her no doubt. She had to shake her obsession and addiction to Him in her everyday life. It was never going to happen; they could never ever be together as lovers. And Tessa wanted children; she definitely knew that could never happen with Master. Johnny was a lovely man; kind, caring, handsome, had a good job, he was practical – the list was endless. However, he was completely vanilla. Not a kinky tendency to his name. They had been friends for a while; he was the best friend of one of her work colleagues. Everyone was forever saying they’d be perfect together, and she had just thought he was humoring them to save her feelings – until a few weeks ago when he had given her his number. His hopeful expression had melted her heart, and even though she loved Master, something about Johnny refused to let her decline the offer. And now she didn’t have a choice. He had given her an instruction and she must follow it. She didn’t, yet did want to call him. She also noted with a certain anxiety how pained Master had looked when He had said the words to her about finding someone to care for her when they were apart. This confused her; as if He wanted her like she wanted Him. Leaving His wife would be... difficult for sure, but not outside the realm of possibility. So, the only conclusion she could make was that He didn’t want her in His life. Only as a toy, a play partner, a commodity.

  Sighing heavily, Tessa looked at the number again. She recalled the day in London with Anne, her encouragement to find someone to “look after her” and more than anything, the threat of never stopping “helping” until she found a suitable match. It was definitely preferable to make her own choices in that respect; she loved Anne dearly, but her choice of men was never very appropriate.

  Such vain thoughts cycling around her head did nothing to get the task done. Her resolve now firm, she dialed the number and waited anxiously for Johnny to pick up the phone. Drumming her fingers nervously, she willed the call to go to his voicemail. “Hello?” he answered. Her heart began slamming into her ribcage, her mouth suddenly completely dry. Stuttering she started to reply “H-hi Johnny, erm, it’s... Tessa, Tessa Wallace? Erm, y-you gave me your number a couple of weeks ago?”

  “Oh, Tess! Of course I know you silly! I thought I’d stepped over the line giving you my number; I never thought for a minute you’d call; I thought you were just humoring David and the others by going along with their thinly veiled set-ups. Of course, I do like you, but I understand if you want to be just friends; I won’t be hurt; just say so. Oh, I’m just so glad you called!”

  Johnny’s words tumbled out quickly with Tessa unable to get a word in sideways. It was now obvious to her that he really did feel strongly for her and he was just completely adorable, innocent, – it was that word again she always associated with Johnny. Innocent. What harm could it do simply dating him? Nothing. In fact she considered that maybe she should have done this a long time ago, and well – she wasn’t giving up Master; she could keep them both for the time being; she just wouldn’t ever come to the point where she would have to choose.

  “Whoa, Johnny; wait a second. Don’t go assuming I’m phoning you out of pity. I called for a reason, and that reason was a yes. Yes, I’d love to go on a date with you, and yes, I’m thinking we could be more than just good friends.”

  The silence was deafening, and Tessa started to panic. Maybe she had totally misjudged the situation; maybe
he had now changed his mind and just wanted to stay friends after all.

  “Oh wow. I think you have just rendered me speechless,” he eventually managed. “What can I say? Other than I think you have just made my day! Yes, of course I would be honored to go on a date with you. I’ll find a really swanky restaurant; I’ll put on a suit and everything, treat you like a princess; you deserve the best Tess; I promise you you’ll not regret this decision!”

  His words came even faster than before, his enthusiasm bubbling like a geyser ready to erupt; her heart melted further; she was definitely glad she had called. Blushing deeply, she was suddenly overcome, feeling like a teenager accepting her first date; she felt special, desired, cherished again. Instantly she started planning her date outfit in her mind, something that would definitely not scream innocent teenager, and something that would render Johnny speechless once more.

  “That sounds perfect,” she replied, “So, next Friday night? Seven thirty? You can choose the restaurant.”

  “Deal!” Johnny exclaimed, “I’ll call you tomorrow once I’ve booked somewhere and – thanks for calling. Honestly Tess; you really don’t know how much you have made my day! Talk to you tomorrow,” After returning a closing greeting herself, they ended the call.

  Closing her phone, she smiled broadly; she shouldn’t have worried so much; Master was always right – perhaps He had known that there was someone waiting patiently for her in the wings who would take care of her? Looking back to her phone she laughed quietly at the sensations she was feeling deep in her tummy, the thrill of the chase, feeling once more like someone to be cared for and desired. Deciding it was probably time to get dressed and go shopping for that first date outfit she had formed in her mind’s eye, Tessa practically skipped to the stairs, catching her expression of childish glee in the hallway mirror. Placing her mobile phone on the low table, she perused her reflection. Happiness was radiating from her, and she beamed back at the joyful person laughing gleefully. Her attention was captured once more by the bleeping of a new text message on her phone. He must be keen, she thought, texting to confirm already. She grabbed the phone to see what little love note she had been sent. But shock knotted tightly in her throat as she saw it wasn’t from Johnny. Instead, there were just five simple words from Master.