Ménage à Tess (The Tess Series) Page 13

  Sitting crumpled on their sofa, he looked around the empty living room, loneliness and guilt completely engulfing him in choking oblivion. Her vibrant presence was no longer there, no more lighting up his life as easily as the sun lit the earth, and it was all his fault. She’d gone to ground since the incident, and hadn’t answered any of his calls or pleas for contact since she’d been discharged from the hospital. As much as he’d hated it, he’d stayed in contact with Charles, and it seemed she was ignoring him too. She’d cut herself off completely from both of them. He’d initially felt relief that it wasn’t just him she’d hidden herself from, but as time passed, he grew more and more terrified he had lost her forever. She’d given him hope at the hospital; she’d allowed him to stay by her side for the entire three days. He’d watched with increasing dismay as her face had swollen and bloomed into a patchwork of ugly rainbow colored bruises, her obvious pain only masked by the cocktail of drugs they’d given her. In the entirety of her stay, she’d refused to allow Charles access, yet he stayed resolutely in the waiting area outside her room, checking her charts and quizzing Johnny every time he could on her progress. There was always one of them there at all times; he had no idea when Charles slept, as even when he had to finally rest, the old man watched over her like a guardian angel. The ghostly pallor on his face belied a greater guilt than he cared to admit, and Johnny wondered whether he exhibited the same drawn, hopeless expression. In that time they’d spent in such close proximity, he’d clearly seen that Charles loved her as much as he did. What he couldn’t understand is why he hadn’t taken Tess for himself all those months ago when he had the opportunity. Tess and Charles had been seeing each other long before he’d come on the scene, and he had no doubt she would’ve jumped at the chance to be his had he simply asked her. He laughed harshly. It wasn’t as if he had anything to offer her, no home of his own, no prospects.

  There had been one thing more that had shaken him to the core. Charles had her moved to a room in a private hospital, and although Tessa had vehemently argued she wanted to stay in the public wards, Johnny had talked her around to allowing the kindness to speed her own recovery. He’d also pointed out that in a private hospital he never had to leave her side. So late one night when Tessa had finally fallen into a fitful sleep, he’d beckoned Charles into the room with him. What she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her, and for some reason he’d been feeling grateful to the man for not leaving him to suffer alone, and he also felt deeply sorry that she’d refused his support, or even presence in the room with her. He had a feeling she was definitely thinking something more to the situation than he was currently aware of, but that could wait. He looked at the old man’s expression of worry and concern and he couldn’t shut him out. He sort of needed his support too. They’d been talking quietly, neither taking their eyes off her, and he’d inquired why he and Tess had never become an item. Charles had resolutely looked down into the syrupy black coffee he’d been nursing as if it held the answer, and then he sighed.

  “I wish I could have, Johnny. I wish with all I am that I could have had the ability to make her happy. You know that’s all I’ve ever wanted for her. To show her she can have everything she’s ever dreamed of. That she isn’t the failure she thinks she is—that she can have a career and be successful in anything she chooses to do. Not to mention that she would be a good mother and have such a beautiful family.”

  At that point Johnny had been deep in thought, unable to process the subtleties of what he’d just heard. However, it wasn’t until the conversation had rolled around his head over the next several days that he’d really comprehended the implication of Charles’ words. Good mother. Beautiful family. Was he saying the only reason they weren’t together was because he couldn’t provide her with children? Johnny was the better option because he hadn’t had the snip? The idea shocked him. The old man might be thinking like that, but did Tessa only see him as a breeding partner too? Is that why she’d never remained exclusive to him and still saw the old man on the side? Anguish formed a lump in his throat, as it had so many times over the last few days. Whatever the motivation for her actions before, the situation they were all in now was entirely down to him. She’d been in so much pain, and it was all his fault. He’d been so naive to think he was giving her what she wanted. He understood none of it. This lifestyle simply wasn’t him; he hadn’t wanted to do this Domination shit in the first place, and now never again—not any more.

  Frustration quickly turned into anger and sorrow. He let his head fall over the backrest. He watched as a spider wove a lazy path toward the light fitting, creating a web for an unwitting fly. The feeling of being manipulated and trapped was too much to bear. Was it right to ask her to give up something she loved because he wasn’t capable of being everything she needed? Did she actually need the Domination, or was she in fact in love with her Master and didn’t want to lose him so much so that she’d do anything to continue seeing him?

  He hadn’t the strength to confront her with such ideas, so it simply couldn’t work any other way. But could he learn to live with her giving herself to another man so completely? He’d learned a lot during her recovery at the hospital in speaking with Charles at length. For example, the glazed look Tessa exhibited at times during the session, and indeed in previous times, was an indication of subspace—something he’d described as the ultimate goal for a submissive. The point when that person is truly free. He may have given her a bit of that freedom a few times during their lovemaking, but never to the extent he’d seen when Charles and Tess were interacting. He owned her, and Johnny was simply an observer. An outsider. He couldn’t give her that release. He simply wasn’t capable. What could he actually give to her? He loved her so much that continually running these thoughts over and over in his mind over the past few days had been akin to stabbing himself continually in the heart. What could he give her that the old man couldn’t? Besides a family? What would be the one thing that could safeguard their future, without him constantly looking over their shoulder?

  But that was it. Exactly it. Johnny leaped to his feet as he finally realized what it was that would make all of this right. Make her his. Yet more importantly, eliminate any need for a visceral escape from an unhappy world.

  Give her her dream. Give her something the old man couldn’t.

  Chapter Two

  Charles hadn’t been back to work since the incident—only replying to emails when he absolutely had to. How could he have been so wrong? What he’d thought was the perfect ploy to make Tessa his own in perpetuity had instead destroyed everything he’d ever hoped for. He’d destroyed her wish for a normal life too. It’d seemed so simple at the time; just push her out of her comfort zone and push the boy too far in the process. Easy. She should have exhibited signs of discomfort long before she had, and he’d been absolutely convinced of the boy’s weaknesses in the area. Little did he ever suspect Johnny would go so far in his pursuit of potentially pleasing Tess, and that she would so steadfastly take such punishment to try and please them all. He’d judged things so horrifically. Doubt crept uneasily through him as he turned the scene over and over in his head. How did he miss her signaling her safeword? Was there any way he could have stopped it sooner? Should he have started them on this path in the first place?

  But it was all of no matter. The memory of his girl, bleeding and unconscious in Johnny’s arms was raw even now, five days afterward. He might not have imparted the blows, but he was still responsible. Still the one meting out punishments and deterrents, so cocksure of himself that he was blind to the potential consequences. He ran through the scenario once more. Just what if he’d done this differently? Or that? Or noticed Johnny was using his strength too fiercely? He should have simply not encouraged him to hit Tessa. Shaking his head bitterly, he contemplated a stiff drink. It might only be two in the afternoon, but he needed to calm down. To think straight. How would he solve this problem that now faced him?

  Wearily standing up from his arm
chair, he stretched out his back, kneading his knuckles into the base of his spine, working out the tight knots that had formed over the past few days. He definitely felt old today. He’d completely taken for granted the wonderful feelings of youth that training his Tess had given him, rejuvenating him, giving him a reason to feel alive again. He had learned to trust and love once more as their relationship had blossomed, and for that he was deeply grateful. He’d even dared to hope that one day he could make her Mrs. Charles Black. That single thought was definitely the most potent of late.

  Staring out into his neatly kept garden, he noted with a certain detachment the leaves on the trees had started to turn their annual burnished bronze. Time really did fade all too quickly, he thought flatly, and as he observed the beautiful reds and oranges, he considered the stunning landscape he could paint. But he also thought on how much the colors reminded him of Tessa’s soft curls. There was no escaping her influence in his life—even Mother Nature was chastising him for his reckless pride. He turned away from the tormenting sight, but it did nothing to erase the memory of her sparkling smile, the smile she gave only to him. A drink was definitely required; he knew the crushing pain of loss he felt in his chest would only intensify as he continued to think about what had gone before.

  Grabbing his favorite cut-glass crystal tumbler, he padded his way to the sideboard. Talisker should do the trick, he thought. The familiar burn would comfort him considerably while he tried to think his way out of the situation. Should he wait until Tessa made contact with him? Give her some room to think? Or should he find her and plead with her for forgiveness, even if it was just for the sake of the boy? He’d decided if she really wanted to be with Johnny, then he would encourage it. As much as he hated to admit it, he’d grown fond of him over the past several days. The boy really did love his Tess with complete, unthinking adoration—something he’d chosen to ignore before the incident, and it was his refusal to see this complete devotion that had led to the grave errors he’d allowed that critical night. He owed them both their happiness, should that be what she desired. But he was still hoping—still sure, in fact, that Tessa wanted him. Wanted her Master. And that was something he wanted to make doubly sure about before he walked out of their lives altogether. This was the real turning point of the future for all three of them now. There was now only room in Tessa’s life for one man.

  Chapter Three

  Her recovery from her operation had progressed swiftly. The entire right side of her face was distorted and swollen, a backdrop of sickly yellow tinged with green, blue and deep purple bruises. Her cheekbone had been fractured in two places and her nose had indeed been broken. Thankfully the breaks in her cheek were clean, and so she only had one small incision on her temple where they had entered to reset her bone. She’d had medical tape and a splint on her nose for a week, which had now been removed, and the doctor was extremely pleased with her progress. It still hurt considerably to smile, not that she’d had much cause to do so recently.

  Tessa winced as she ran her fingers gingerly over her shattered face. Staring into the mirror, she felt tears well up yet again. She hadn’t really ever enjoyed observing her reflection in a mirror, but this…was more shocking than she’d ever thought possible. It wasn’t just the pain or the look of her face that upset her, but the memory of how she came to be this way. The two men she loved most in the world had done this to her, one with His mind, the other with his hands. She couldn’t apportion blame to one over the other, although in all honesty she was most angry with Master. He’d known her longer and knew she would have hated what was happening to her. He was the one who’d suggested the caning, and that was a hard limit they had discussed a long time before. Was He deliberately trying to push her too far? To drop her safe ball earlier? It was at that point that she’d turned thoughts over and over in her head that although she had given away her safeword, she had actually still had a way out. He had been the one to ensure that she had. But in her head, she’d still felt like she didn’t have her safeword, just like before when they used to play together alone. Maybe she’d been foolish to give it away all that time ago, but she’d never dreamed the Man she thought she knew, who supposedly knew her better than any man ever had, would treat her so cruelly. What had He been thinking? Had He even been paying proper attention, and then varying the intensity of the egg to make it seem like she was enjoying her torment? No wonder poor Johnny had no idea.

  But Johnny. His actions had stunned her. She’d never seen him raise a hand to anyone in the entire time they’d been together, and he certainly hadn’t appeared to be a man who’d ever have enjoyed it. Yet he had. Until the moment it’d gone so horribly wrong, he’d been enjoying the experience. She’d been right. He’d have taken to being a Dominant like a duck to water, but now he had vowed never to venture into Domination ever again. He had not left her side at the hospital, and she allowed it because she hadn’t the heart to tell him she’d rather be alone. She had, however, told the staff she didn’t want Master there when He’d tried to come into her room. Despite His kindness in having her moved to a private hospital, she couldn’t stand to look at Him. He’d destroyed her poor Johnny, and He’d caused her to end up in hospital. Yes. It was decided: Johnny really wasn’t to blame in any of this; he was simply doing what he thought was best to please everyone. She couldn’t chastise him any more for trying to please her—or for the fact that he might have enjoyed it. He should have noticed that she’d signaled for the scene to stop, but then, how did Isabella and Master miss the sign also? It was all too quick, it had all happened too quickly. Sighing heavily, she resolved that she would tell him all was well, but not quite yet, all in good time.

  “Dinner’s up, hun,” Annie called from her kitchen. She’d been a lifesaver. There was no way Tessa could have gone to her parents in this state; they would have pressed charges for assault, and she didn’t want that. Returning home wasn’t an option as she refused to put Johnny out of his home, and she couldn’t spend time with him looking and feeling like this. So she had to find somewhere else. She’d been scared—where could she have gone without receiving the third degree? Who would just let her be to recuperate in her own time? It had to be chatterbox Annie. True to her word, she hadn’t pried, simply ascertained Tessa was okay and assured her if she wanted to tell her in her own time, then she wouldn’t judge. She’d assumed it had something to do with Johnny, but as she was Johnny’s biggest fan for taking her friend off the single shelf, Tessa hadn’t wanted to destroy her illusions and detail the unthinkable horrors he was capable of. That was perhaps a little unfair to think that way—perhaps it should have been the unthinking horrors he was capable of. Although she may have an understanding of his actions, the fact he did them still hurt more than the physical wounds he’d inflicted.

  Leaving the bathroom, she headed downstairs for dinner. Annie really had looked after her, and Tessa even considered she might be enjoying having a houseguest in need. The other thing about Annie was she was an amazing cook. Dinner smelled delicious, and Tessa’s stomach growled in response. She hadn’t been eating much; she’d lost her appetite with the distress of the choices she faced. Just what was she going to do? Was she to choose the vanilla life with a man who would do anything to care for her and look after her? Or a totally different option—a lonely life, perhaps castigated for an age difference, but with a Master she loved, and who loved her? Could she ever trust Him again? The issue of trust rumbled ominously through her mind. Did she trust Him? First, it was the hidden lies regarding His ex-wife, and then the manipulation of Johnny. Had he been manipulating her all this time too? Could she ever truly know?

  She needed to talk through the dark thoughts she was having with someone whom she could trust. Someone who understood, and it had to be someone close to all of this.

  Chapter Four

  Tessa had a panicked sense of déjà vu as she stood on Lady Isabella’s doorstep. It seemed absolute madness to find herself in the same place where her l
ife had shattered into little pieces. But sometimes you had to revisit such places; it was, after all, only a house. She tried to ignore the trembling of her hand as she reached for the doorbell.

  Damn it, the worst has been and gone—what am I nervous about?

  Pressing the bell, she quickly pulled her hand away and balled it into a fist to still the telltale tremor. The fact still remained, she hadn’t seen Izzy since ‘that night’, and whilst she wasn’t to blame for what happened, she had been there. Tessa still had thoughts that maybe, just maybe, she could have stopped what had happened. Did she see? Had she known? She thought she had formed a close relationship with her before it had gone so incredibly wrong. Despite her Master and Johnny’s continual company during her hospital stay, she’d only had one text message from Izzy.

  I’m here when you’re ready to talk.

  Tessa thought it was odd that that was the only thing she’d received, but then she was feeling rather smothered by the two men, and mostly she’d just wanted to be left alone. Izzy had known that. She wasn’t being coldhearted, she was waiting until Tess needed to talk. Tessa definitely needed to talk now. She’d been numb for a long time, and now she was longing to feel, to let out the emotions that had built up deep inside her. The feelings were terrifying her. She had no idea how to release them, and if anyone knew how to help, it would be the lady.